Do you ever find yourself or feel the need blame others? How about constantly blaming and judging yourself? There was a time when I would verbally beat myself up for mistakes, saying things like, “I’m such a f-up,” and would often say very negative things, such as, “Things will never get any better,” or “I’m a loser,” or “I’m never going to amount to much” I would begin to feel angry and agitated as a result of this self-inflicted abuse, but I never connected the anger with my self-judgment.
It began to make sense that I would not be able to stop blaming others until i stopped blaming and judging self.
I began to realize that I was letting my thoughts run rampant, never stopping to discern whether or not what I was saying to myself was the truth or a lie. As a result, i was constantly allowing the wounded part of me, my ego self, to be in charge. And this part of me was filled with all the lies i had learned in the 30 years of life.
I wanted to stop doing this, but I’ve been doing it for a large part of my life. How do I stop?”
Stopping any negative behavior is always a challenge. Changing our thought process is especially challenging. However, there is a process available, but it will only work when you’ve decided that you really want to change. Changing from being self-abusive to self-loving has to become more important to you than continuing to try to control yourself through your self-judgments.
Here are a couple steps that may help if you’re in this space:
- Pay attention to your feelings. Learn to be aware of when you are feeling angry, anxious, hurt, scared, guilty, shamed, depressed, and so on.
- Make a conscious decision to learn about what you are telling yourself that is causing your pain, rather than ignoring it, turning to substances, or continuing to abuse yourself.
- Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself that is causing me to feel badly?” Once you are aware of what you are telling yourself, ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I’m telling myself is the truth, or is it just something I’ve made up?” Then ask yourself, “What am I trying to control by telling myself this?”
- Once you are aware that you are telling yourself a lie that is causing you to feel badly, and why you are telling it to yourself, ask the highest, wisest part of yourself, or ask an inner teacher or a spiritual source of guidance, “What is the truth?” When you sincerely want to know the truth, it will easily come to you.
- Change your thinking, by telling yourself the truth.
- Notice how you feel. Lies will always make you feel badly, while the truth brings inner peace.
Any time you are not in peace, go through this process to discover what lie you are telling yourself. Eventually, with enough practice, you will be in truth and peace more and more of the time.